the pain I was in and the baby being breech and all, maybe I forgot....but I wouldn’t forget being sad...I was so happy...I remember that, I remember when they put him in my arms for the first time....I was happy....I wasn’t depressed....so I wouldn’t say that in court....I don’t want it on record that I was sad Jack was born....no, I couldn’t stand in court and say that....what would Billy think? That I didn’t love his younger brother? Maybe I didn’t love him either?.....well, he’s got a new step mom now telling him his mother killed his brother....I have to hold out hope that he believes me....so you see, I couldn’t stand up in court and say I didn’t want Jack.....some day, I’ll get out of here...I’ll be free alright, but only from these walls....not from the sorrow.....Jack is dead.....How can I ever be happy again.....that people think I did it is nothing to the fact that he is dead. He just died and I’ve got to live with his death. ....in some weird way the trial was a comfort....fighting to prove I didn’t kill him kept my mind too busy to realize that he was in fact dead...he just died....and never coming back, not if I did it or didn’t ....that’s what I had to face in here...there not much else that could hurt me now.....